” letters have skyrocketed lately, and everybody’s hoping I have the magic pill to make them feel better, get her back or at least figure out how to make her so insanely jealous that you can turn around and reject as well as emotionally.
However, while it’s only natural that we try to protect ourselves from being hurt, trying to push the pain away or numb ourselves is actually one of the worst things we can do.
Hell, the character destroying her ex’s car for revenge in “Before He Cheats” sounds awesome – it’s also the work of a .
All it does is make you look like someone who can’t get over a bad breakup and now you’re throwing a tantrum like a child who didn’t get a cookie. There are some seriously wangsty Live Journal posts in my distant past that I’m not proud of.) One thing that helps is to recontextualize the pain. Part of what helps process the pain of a break-up is channeling that pain, anger and frustration into something else. these can all be used to supercharge other aspects of your life.
They want acknowledgment from their ex that the dumpee had been wronged, that their ex was an uncaring bitch, a vampire, a whore and deserves to suffer from every STD known to man.
They want their ex to hurt just as much as they do – if not and now you just look like an impotent idiot.
Some of the best output in a creative person’s life comes from channelling that anger and frustration into their work; Chasing Amy, for example, was born out of Kevin Smith’s attempt to process his failed relationship with Joey Lauren Adams and remains his best movie…
You’ve just been hurt deeply by someone you care about!
Even when ultimately it’s nobody’s fault and nobody has been wronged, break ups hurt and we get angry at the people who hurt us. Here’s the seeming paradox of letting yourself feel all the feels – you have to be willing to let them go too.
And if you want to be completely selfish, channeling that anger is a good way of making your life more awesome while you’re recovering from the breakup. One of the things that I hear over and over again from folks who’ve just gotten dumped is that they want closure. In fact, more often than not, that desire for “closure” comes down to one of two issues.
They want some final meeting of the minds with their newly minted ex in order to hash out just what happened, tie off any loose ends and sort out regrets before dropping the match on the Viking funeral that is the old relationship. A) The person seeking closure wants neat and tidy answers to why they’re breaking up or B) The person seeking closure (almost always the dump-ee… You’re not a single triggering incident – somebody cheated on somebody else, for example – it’s rarely a one-off that suddenly caused your ex to hit the self-destruct button.